Hello,
It’s been a while since I’ve done a blog post. Life has been hectic and I have not had time to post much. My wife is still doing chemotherapy treatments, and I am still going to therapy for various side effects.
My son just finished his first year of college and did very well. Funny thing is, he also had his high school graduation ceremony a few days after coming home. The class of 2020 never had a proper graduation and the lockdown made organizing one a nightmare. His graduation was on a Friday, two days after I drove to Massachusetts to pick him up. This is when the fun began.
The drive to Williams College is a challenging one for me because of sensory overload. My wife and I usually rent a room for the night and drive home the next morning because my mind is fatigued. This time, we were not able to stay overnight because my son only had a few days to get all he needed for his graduation ceremony. That included a hair cut, buying a suit, shoes, and picking up his gown. So I drove back home on the same day, and felt ok.
The next (Thursday) day I took my son to get a hair cut, suit, and gown. This required a lot of walking on my end—which is also challenging—but because my son was home, the walk was worth it. We also ate some lunch, and went home.
Finally, Friday aka graduation day was upon us. Since my wife is still undergoing chemotherapy, I felt that driving to the venue—Summer stage—was the only option. The drive to Manhattan was as expected, busy, violent, and unforgiving. The trip was slated for 25 minutes, but that is an eternity in the streets of NYC.
We reached our destination and began to meet up with parents we have not seen in 15 months. This was another challenge because most of us were not sure if we should great each other physically or from a distance. Everyone in attendance needed to show proof of vaccination, so I felt “safe” enough to shake some hands. Once the venue became crowded, I began to feel overwhelmed. I wasn’t sure where to look, who to focus on, or how to act. I was really confused and felt as if I was going to lose control, but I managed to keep my composer by reminding myself why I was there and for who.
The drive home wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, especially after it began to rain. Once I got home, I could feel my energy begin to deplete. I made sure to rest because I knew that Saturday was gong to be another busy day.
Saturday morning I began to feel pain on my forehead. The pain is always in the same spot—right above my right eye—where the battery hit me. The pain is dull, but constant and stubborn. The pain became more frequent, intense, and continues three days later. It literally feels as if I was kicked on the right side of my face, and it’s all due to my busy week. I also had to drive to the airport on Saturday afternoon, but the ride was relaxing enough to take my attention away from the pain.
The pain is a harsh reminder that I am not ready to handle what I once considered normal activities. I have to plan my chores ahead of time and make sure that I have time to rest in case I run out of gas, mentally and physically. I didn’t give myself the proper resting period that my brain needed and now I am paying the price for it. I thought I was capable of pushing myself a little extra and now I know I’m not there…..yet.
Sometime you need to push yourself beyond the limits you’ve grown comfortable with. I kinda didn’t have a choice because my wife is sick, and my son needed to get home in time to attend his ceremony. My therapy sessions have been helpful, and I have seen progress, but sometimes you need to find out on your own just how far a long you really are. I’m not there…..yet.
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